Lazy evaluation is good--you save resources and don't need to overcommit them, until you are absolutely sure that you need to get what it is done, done.

But I think I've always been the eager sort of evaluator, trying to do things the earliest I possibly can, often much to my detriment, especially with planning. Stepping back, hanging loose, and just letting things happen, is not something I have done very much of, and is not something I like to do, because I'd plan everything at the first instance, and then sit back and hope that nothing ever interrupts my plans.

But that eagerness is extremely dangerous, especially now, and I don't even know anymore if it's distorting everything that's in sight. It probably is, and although I could take some comfort in the fact that sometimes, or maybe even often times, it doesn't matter how it begins, or for what reasons it begins, as long as it goes, it's still not very much comfort.

There's just too many questions, too many variables, and ironically, too much eagerness to be lazy. It's all just messed up.