The weather has been interestingly, terribly capricious, of late.

There've been torrential downpours over the past two days, heavy afternoon showers complete with dark, rolling, menacingly hovering thunderclouds and bolts of lightning terrorising the afternoons, freezing the nights.

Today, the skies were a deep, clear blue, the azure skies of scorching hot weather; the sunshine cast a warm glow on the lands below, illuminating foilage in a brilliant green, bringing colour and life to the world.

It's been a long time since the weather's looked this fine.

Yet, it no longer feels the same; it no longer feels as it did almost a year ago, since that day when I tore down East Coast Park on a bicycle, with someone, that someone, when the weather was exactly like this-- the sun high up, shining brightly, in those exact, same, clear, cloudless azure skies, the warm, salty, brine-filled sea breeze blowing gently as the waters glittered in the sunlight.

It no longer feels the same as it did on that day anymore, because some things no longer are; it's funny, how being in love can make everything seem so alive; it's funnily tragic, how you realise it only after it's all over; it feels weird, picking up the pieces and moving on.

It's been a quite a while now, since, perhaps for the first time in my life, I put down all that unstoppable-power-and-energy-and-spirit-for-fighting-for-my-dreams, since I spent so much time, energy, and effort, on a single person.

Sadly, things happen only once; times move, the world moves on, the wheels of fate turn, and wait for no man.

Today, I'm trying to move on, and it feels comfortably, soothingly familiar, getting back into the trying-to-be-at-my-best mode, even if at different things now-- taking better pictures, writing essays, etc., rather than striving for academic results (which, will come, soon enough, even if 2 years isn't very soon).

Yet, even as I'm starting to feel it all surge back, all that euphoria for being at my best, like on last Friday's crazed hyper-confident emcee-ing of the unit's MAF celebrations as I spoke 100% off the cuff for 3 hours straight to an audience of 300, never for more than the first 10 seconds fearing or cowering, it's not the same anymore when the crowd dies down and I settle down to the peace and quiet of my innate solitude-- because somewhere, deep down inside, I know that something is missing; something elusive, that I've found, only to have lost.

No doubt, I can live without it; I know I can go on, push myself, fight hard, be at my best, give everything all I've got and be where I can never imagine myself being; somehow, after taking stock of the past 12 years of my life, I've come to learn very important lessons, the most important being that, when I believe in myself, I can do what I want to do, go where I want to go.

But, at the end of the day, when I settle down to peace, and quiet, will I be truly happy, truly satisfied, with life?

No, I know I won't, till I find, that elusive something.

But, I'll wait for it to come. I'm pretending not to wait, but waiting anyhow, and don't remind me that I'm waiting. Haha.

And the day will come :).